Thinking about that it is Diabetes Awareness Month, and posting on Diabetes Awareness Day, I ask myself, is this still a major life-defining issue for me? When we started out, and I had my husband and 3 young children with the disease, I would have said, "of course!" But how about now, 16 years later, is myhandsful still in large part a blog about our life with diabetes?
Well, yes and no. Yes because it is a life-long struggle, there is no cure, it doesn't go away. No, because through the years it has become, my story has become, more about God and His work in my life, and my family.
Here's part of what has changed. As they got older and are now young adults, my kids have each taken over many of the pieces of daily managing their diabetes. I no longer have to count every carb in every meal I make, although I am still sometimes asked, "how much do you think I should punch in for this?" (more likely to be my husband asking than my kids). Some of them order their insulin and supplies for themselves, some have me do half and they do half, others have me keep track of it all. One still relies upon me to keep their calendar on when to change a site or start a new sensor or even attach it to their body. But it is not the most pressing, most prevalent thought in my head now. It still is more for me than for someone who doesn't have this disease in their life, but not rising to the level it once did.
What remains the same is I still have heightened awareness, my ears are uniquely attuned to the sound of pumps beeping or CGMs going off whether right beside me or from another room. I still have concerns over lows - and my kids' companions - thinking, "Are these people going to be vigilant when someone is getting loopy or weak and will they know what needs to be done?" When thinking about my husband and his health I have concerns, now that we are years closer to the time when circulatory issues or kidney issues may become intense or affect our life routine. And so that trust in the Lord, that He sees us and knows the number of our days (Ps 17; Romans 8; I Peter 5) that muscle in my heart continues to grow.
More and more, though, diabetes doesn't define me. In the beginning it really did. Someone would say, "Tell us about you" and I would inevitably mention there are 4 out 5 in my family with type 1 diabetes. MYHANDSFUL was born out of that scenario. Now I am more likely to speak about my family, or God's hand in our present or future plans. Let me tell you too, many of the "what if's" I worried about in the beginning have been or are being answered day by day, and are no longer taking up huge bandwidth in my brain. Some of my kids were defined by or hurt by the fact that they had type 1. Others had it make little or no difference in building those life-long friend groups or finding their future calling. All of them remain much more compassionate individuals because of what they go through/have gone through.
We have faced struggles that had absolutely nothing to do with the disease and have seen God work out His best plan in those (Eph 4;2 Cor 4). My husband continues to thrive and find new interests and revive old ones in his service to God. I am still learning what it means to find my identity in Who God says that I am, (Deut 7:6; Zech 2:8) rather than the voices from the enemy be they inside my head or outside in the world or even diabetes. Today, it is really more that picture with my hands outstretched, seeing them filled with all that God gives (Ref: Blessed are the Gentle Jan. 25, 2012) and trying to let others know He is with them in their time of sorrow or struggle too.
